Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
