I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
