You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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