He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
