my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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