ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and she was petting her beer can
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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