I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
