someone get that fucking seahorse.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
