she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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