Porn is love you can see.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
