By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
