If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
