Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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