So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
