it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
