trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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