Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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