woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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