I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
