I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
