he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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