Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
