i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
