its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
