A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's rum buckets o'clock
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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