i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
