I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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