I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
