Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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