I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I want a musical about memes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
