i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
