her facebook's as public as her vagina
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
