My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
