Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
