Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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