The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
