just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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