I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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