i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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