just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
