He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
