Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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