my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
