it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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