so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
