My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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