she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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