Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this boner is exhausting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
