were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
