My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I could fuck to npr.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
