Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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