ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
